Spotlight: Race Equality

Jasmin Ali and Azaria Narine

6th February 2023

Race is an awkward topic for many, I can understand that. It’s also a topic you can’t avoid, whether you’re in the office, out in public or at home. Race Equality Week is not just a week to celebrate different ethnicities, but to address the barriers to Race Equality in the workplace. Although we’re discussing professional life, a lot of the issues are rooted in our personal lives, upbringing and environments. When you hear people talk about DE&I, it’s not always about agreeing on every single topic but making sure the conversation has room to grow and everyone feels safe to share and be heard.

Having Bengali heritage and being raised by Muslim parents in a mostly white area was certainly an experience. Constantly having my features and skin colour pointed out became normal fairly quickly. Growing up, I was always the only Asian in the group and it was highlighted often. The saying ‘children can be cruel’ is accurate but adults are just as bad if not worse. From a young age I realised I was different than my classmates. But I was never destined to be a traditional Asian woman and quite enjoy going against the stereotype. Tattoos and a white Yorkshireman partner is the opposite to what my parents had envisioned for me. To many of my long-time friends I’m still known as the Asian lady in the group and overtime have come to wear the badge as sense of security to not be ridiculed for my ethnicity. So, if I make a joke of it first no one else will. I didn’t realise this was an issue until a former colleague pointed out how wrong it was. Due to my experiences, I’d allowed those I loved to essentially feel comfortable using racial slurs towards me and in a group dynamic. After going over hundreds of interactions within my lifetime I came to the realisation it was rooted in childhood pain of seeing my younger brother being bullied just for being brown. So I’d gone along with derogatory terms and joked lightly about them to avoid shame and ridicule from those around me. I then tried to speak out and change that narrative only to be ostracize by certain members and questioned about my sudden change of heart. It surprised me quite a lot and now I’ve concluded society is very reluctant to change and hates being called out. Which is why my passion for DE&I advocacy is truly important to me.

Which is why I chose this month’s guest speaker Azaria. She is currently Player Support Specialist at Boneloaf. We met during the Mental Health First Aid course with Safe in our World. I warmed to her take on mental health and loved how he articulated her thoughts on the industry. Azaria switches the Race narrative and redirects it towards a positive light. Her mindset is refreshing, forward thinking and completely humble. Not only does she share her personal experiences with Race but also her struggles with Neurodiversity and how it plays a crucial role in her life.

Question 1: How has Race played a role in your life?

Answer: Well, it started when I was born - no, I’m joking! I was thinking about this yesterday when I was with my mixed-race sister. We talked about hair and the difference between hair-care routines when we were younger. Although I grew up in a diverse part of the UK, the schools I attended were predominantly white. I always got asked whether people could touch my hair, or when I ate certain foods like curried goat, it was always met with “ew!” But with hair care, we had a routine. Every Sunday, we’d shower and wash our hair like everyone else, but then we’d spend hours drying and styling. We’d have to sit down and have our mum do our hair, which took at least a few hours each and then we’d have to moisturise our skin. I’d had cornrows as a kid, and I didn’t think much of that. I thought it was pretty standard, but when I went to school, people would make fun of me, saying things like, “oh, I can see your scalp.” That started the thoughts, “am I not normal?” It made me question my image a little, and I constantly asked myself, "why am I different from all my friends? Why can’t I play out in the rain without hoods or umbrellas, and my hair stays intact?" But that’s just hair care.

Even something as small as swimming lessons became a thing. Our teachers had this idea that the quickest people to get changed would get to sit at the top of the bus where all the, I guess, ‘cool people’ sat. Everyone wanted to sit at the top. But for me, as a kid, every time you showered, or your skin got wet, you’d have to moisturise your skin otherwise, it would be dry. So, I would spend much time after the swimming lesson ensuring I’m covered. You always hear on black Twitter; people don’t want ‘ashy elbows or knees’. I would usually be the last one to come out of swimming lessons. After years, I realised only I in that class needed to take these extra steps, and everyone else didn’t necessarily need to. This started in Year 4 for me.

Until Year 7, I stopped the hair routine and started doing my own hair. I tried to do it like my white friends and began straightening it - until it was as pin-straight (but crunchy) as possible. That was influenced by my want to fit in with my peers. I’d wanted a presentable or socially acceptable hairstyle in a white space. In my previous job, black hairstyles were still seen as unprofessional, and I would be looked at and treated as if I didn’t belong there. I changed how I did my hair and my look to fit into a predominantly white workplace. All my workplaces have been primarily white, too, even my current studio. But the difference now is they are a lot more inclusive. There’s no judgement, but I still have that lingering thought of needing to look a certain way. But I want people to focus on other characteristics that aren’t cosmetic or of that nature.

My perception has changed a lot since being a teenager. Now I tend to express myself in a way that I’m comfortable doing, mainly because I’m not in a toxic environment anymore where people judge you based on how you look. I do the style I want, wear the clothes I want, and it makes me feel good and doesn’t impact how I do my job. If I'd had that mentality when I was younger, I might have adopted more traditionally black hairstyles. I’m making up for it now. The stark difference between my old corporate jobs and now is crazy.

Question 2: What’s been your experience getting jobs/interviewing/applying?

Answer: A lot of it has been difficult. I think it starts with the application because the instant reaction when looking at my name is that it’s not the easiest to pronounce. If you look at it, it seems foreign. I’ve spoken to recruitment consultants in the past who have been blunt and have said it may be challenging to get an interview just based on my name. At that time, I was also getting a lot of rejections with either no feedback or vague and generic feedback. However, the interview processes weren’t bad, especially once they realised I had qualifications and experience. Other people of colour I know say similar things - that it’s usually the application process regardless of how qualified they may be, even if they tick all the boxes. They are still rejected without reason. Then to be told later by recruiters that it could be their name… it felt like we were stuck in time.

At my current job, the process was relatively easy. Boneloaf, as a company, came up out of the blue on LinkedIn. I didn’t think I would get the job, as I’d handled a lot of rejections and was still in the mindset that I wasn’t good enough. I’m qualified to teach English but wanted to move into something more creative like games, music or art. I applied on the website and went through a couple of Zoom calls. I initially applied to be a QA tester. During the interview, I said, “I’ve wanted to work in the games industry since I was 10.” I saw on their faces that they’d heard it before, and, in a jokey way, they pretty much said that too. I was honest with them about the rejections and shared my experiences in previous roles. I told them it was somewhat tricky getting the right job. Boneloaf made the interviews feel relaxed, and they focused on me as a person. We laughed, and no other interview had been like that before, so I thought, “it’s going too well; something is going to go downhill”. This was my mentality because I’d constantly been faced with rejection. When I got the job, I discovered they’d made a role suited to my skills and experience as a Player Support Specialist. I thought this sounded perfect.

When I joined, however, I realised I was the only black person in the company, but it is a small intimate company. So, although I was happy and couldn’t ask for more. I also thought, “do other black people… not apply? Is there a reason why?” But I’ve switched my thinking to “well, I might be the only black person in the company for now, and it’s good to contribute to representing black people in the industry.” I’m really grateful for that.

For our industry, I think it’s a cycle; you need the initial representation of POC in positions, even if it’s a junior role. Then, the importance would be in levelling those people up. In higher roles, you don’t see many POC, which can sometimes discourage these groups of people. It creates the thought, " I can’t do that because it’s saturated with one ethnicity”. It’s about making people aware they can do it and not give up trying.

Question 3: What’s been your experience as a Neurodivergent POC?

Answer: It can be hard some days. I’m in the process of officially being diagnosed with ADHD. Still, I was advised by an educational psychologist at university that I have a lot of ADHD traits. It has to be approved by the NHS, which has been an uphill battle I’ve been fighting for a good few years. It’ll confirm many things that happen to me; what I experience isn’t just made up. In the Black Caribbean culture, mental health or being neurodiverse is not something you talk about often. It’s not normal to have something potentially wrong with your mind. So, if I was out in Grenada, for example, I wouldn’t be so open to say, “hey, the way that I think is different to the way you think”. You’d get responses like, “maybe someone’s put voodoo on you”. It could be anything other than “it's something you can’t control or need help for''. You said you didn’t notice my ADHD, which I’m pretty happy about. I try to mask it often as I don’t want it to affect how people perceive me. When you say to people you have this, the way some people change towards you and treat you is the worst. They step back and say they don’t know how to deal with it.

Day to day, I often play with my fingers or ears and bob my leg up and down. Or there may be times I daydream in meetings. When many people talk, I’ll go quiet and find something to stimulate my mind more. I try not to make it a big thing. In work settings, it can sometimes be a hindrance where my brain will switch off. It’s affected the way I work quite a lot. I usually work a slightly longer day to accommodate the extra breaks I need. At Boneloaf, they’re pretty understanding - if you need to take a break, you can. It’s just sad when you see people’s reactions to being neurodiverse. It makes me think that maybe it would be better if I didn’t tell people and continued to mask and imitate the neurotypical behaviour. Better to look like I’m listening and burn myself out to try and complete all the day's work. I can’t do it realistically. Mentally, it’s draining to pretend. I think it’s about a lack of education and understanding, especially about neurodiversity in POC.

Things people overlook with neurodivergent people is hyperfocus. My hyperfocus tends to happen at night. Sometimes you’ll see me online at 4am, and I’ll work away. For me, it’s mainly about time, place and type of work. During the day, I struggle quite a bit; but at night, I could pick up a new hobby. At one point, I wanted to play the violin. I’d stopped and started a lot of different hobbies, which is me hyper-fixating on something for brief amounts of time. It’s very financially disruptive, especially when I drop the hobby like a hot potato if I’m not immediately good at it.

Question 4: Have you experienced any racial negativity being a POC?

Answer: I’ve witnessed something in a previous job that was a cliquey environment. You were okay in the group, but if not, you were left out. We went to a staff meal one evening, and a colleague who was mixed-race was experiencing racial discrimination. Surprisingly, I didn’t face anything despite being black. However, it happened in an environment where “half-caste” was still used. Everyone, including the mixed-race woman, attended, and a round of drinks was offered. The mixed-race woman said she wasn’t drinking, and it was crazy how the atmosphere dropped, and people nudged and looked at each other as if to say she didn’t fit in. At the time, I thought it was bizarre. At that time, I wasn’t sure if it was to do with race, but as time passed, other things kept coming up towards this colleague. She was constantly left out or deliberately missed from meeting reminder emails, and this would cause her to be late and get singled out even more. So, I didn’t stay at that company very long, maybe around two years.

I try to be open about race, but I know it’s a sore topic for many. It’s the fear of saying the wrong thing that gets people. For some people, it’s very much like trial and error; you have to actively learn from mistakes. There’s a fine line between people showing they are a POC ally and saying, “I know how POC should feel based on what I’ve seen in the media”. I have seen many articles about race written by a white person, and you can tell in some contexts whether the person has spoken to a POC or just written it for publicity's sake.

Question 5: What are your thoughts when seeing DE&I marketing?

Answer: Another fine line between celebrating diversity in a company and using POC for tokenistic purposes. Showcasing that you have a diverse team is amazing. Still, you see studios, sometimes AAA studios, market themselves as ethnically inclusive, knowing they have little racial diversity, which needs to be corrected. It would help to find that balance between saying that you're diverse, actually being diverse and tokenism. Many companies are scared to say they are working on diversity because of the potential backlash when that would be more authentic. Companies must let go of the idea that saying “we are working on” is a bad thing and own up to the fact that it’s an industry issue.

Question 6: What do you think can be done to support POC?

Answer: We currently have reasonable support, but it could be better. Highlighting POC networking events and just having more of them visible would be nice. If POC are in social media roles, it would be great for them to share tips and advice on navigating social channels as a POC. I work in the public eye, and I’ve become aware POC don’t get as much exposure online as their white counterparts. So having a network of supportive people around us would be incredible. There’s a smaller number of POC in community roles; I actively have to seek these people out and do specific searches to find them. Usually, I see a lot of streamers and other social network people who aren’t POC; I think the algorithm is part of that equation and, again, something that needs to be addressed.

Question 7: What games are you playing currently and are there any in game characters that inspire you?

Answer: When I started this job, I had to think about the games I played for my website profile. At the moment, I'm playing Melatonin; I love it, and I've mostly finished it. I need to get a few more perfect scores, and I'm completely done.

I'm back to playing Persona 3 Portable since it's finally on Steam! They did it for Persona 4 Golden and Persona 5, so I'm glad I can finally play the third again after losing my PSP SD card with about 970 hours logged on it.

In terms of characters, Naoto Shirogane from Persona 4. She worked as a detective in a male-dominated industry. She hated being looked down on by others because she was a woman. As a countermeasure against the sexism in her line of work, she dressed in more androgynous clothes to be taken seriously. Later on, she faced herself and noted that she just wanted to be respected as herself, not anyone else. I came across Naoto as a character during a rough time when I struggled with self-image, so I couldn't think of anyone more suitable.

My Thoughts

Race isn’t unique to me. It’s not something you chose and is determined before you can even have a thought about it. What’s important though is exposure to different cultures and ways of living from an early age. Travel, try new foods, meet people from different backgrounds, share stories with strangers. Have the courage to speak up, don’t laugh off racial slurs or discrimination for the sake of comfort. People need to feel uncomfortable for there to be a change. We now live in a different world to our older generations and times have changed. We live in a society where racism makes no sense. We’re global citizens and the colour of someone’s skin doesn’t affect how they see, think or feel. Diverse team statistically perform better on every measure, especially within the games industry. So for Race Equality week, I have a few suggestions to improve your cultural knowledge and move the conversation into new and productive ways of changing the workplace.

● Read The Culture Map by Erin Meyer. She’s gives real world insight into the professional working life and informs ways you can tailor your relationship with international colleagues day to day. She’s developed a framework on how best to communicate with certain cultures which is super easy to implement.

● Watch/Listen to The Diary of a CEO: Neil DeGrasse Tyson interview: Neil deGrasse Tyson: DO THIS Every Morning To Find Happiness & Meaning In Your Life | E205 - YouTube His take on Race and how he approaches the topic is very interesting and a perspective you rarely hear. As a POC it may change your outlook on future interactions.

● Get to know more people of colour. We’re everywhere! You can strike up a conversation at work or join a diversity group. Reach out to support groups on social media or even offer to mentor a POC.